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رمضان عاد — وانت غبت

داود شاهين

لأول مرة في حياتي أشهد إعلان ثبوت شهر رمضان المبارك وانا لست معك او اتصل بك لأهنئك برمضان

هذا ما حدث معي بالأمس فعلى مدار خمسون عام من عمري كنت أشهد الاعلان عن ثبوت رؤيا هلال شهر رمضان وانا معك او اسارع بالإتصال لأكون أول من يهنئكم بالشهر الفضيل .

إحساسي كان بالأمس إحساس بالقهر الممزوج بغصة عالقة بين الروح والروح و معلقة بين الجوانح لا تستطيع بأي من مشاعرها تبوح إلا أنها روح كسيرة فقدت فارسها لتصبح كالطير الجريح .

لأول مرة في حياتي أفقد الإحساس والمشاعر فلا أشعر بأي شعور إتجاه ثبوت شهر رمضان فلم أفرح ولم أغضب و كأن شيء لم يكن .

لست أدري أهذا هو حجم فقدي لك .. وأنك كنت تساوي الدنيا بأجمعها بالنسبة لي …. وأن الدنيا بعدك لم تعد تعني شيء … أو اني بفقدك قد فقدت كل شيء فلم يعد لي أي إرتباط بهذه الدنيا

منذ طفولة عمري كنت أنت و طقوسك الخاصة عنوان لرمضان في حياتنا وبفقدك اليوم لم يعد هناك اي عنوان .. بالأمس غابت النكهة واللمسة التي كنت تضعها على ايام رمضان وكأنك كنت أنت لرمضان عنوان ..

آه لو تعلم حجم الفقد الذي أعيش …..

رمضان عاد وانت غبت — لكن في حكايا العمرانت باقٍ ما اختفيت

رحمك الله يا أبي

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